Make the changes you need!

Today I aim to inspire you.  I aim to encourage you to try.  I aim to make you believe.  I am going to push you to START.   It is so important for your life to

MAKE THE CHANGES YOU NEED!

Once you start, everything changes.  You have to be ready.  So, get yourself ready.  Here I am at 38 years old, finally feeling ready to explore. Finally feeling like it's OK for me to change things up a little bit.  Finally feeling confident enough to go for it.  All I had to do was start.  

This year has been huge for me.  This exact time in my life has allowed me to open my mind to what was hidden before.  Hidden by my insecurities and my CONSTANT, all consuming quest for motherhood.  Here in 2017, my little darling is almost 2 1/2 years old and although I am in no way an expert on being a mom, I am in no way ever prepared for the bat shit crazy things a 2 year old does, I at least feel settled in my role of Mama.  I am no longer obsessed with the process of becoming a mom; I am no longer in the newborn, sleep deprived, scared shitless, crying more hours of the day than not, stage of mommy hood and have moved onto "Ok, I am doing OK.  My son loves me, I am keeping him alive, my husband didn't leave me while I was learning, and I am in love with my life in a million new ways and 2 million old ways."     This comfort has brought me back.  Some of the biggest parts of me, were dormant for a long while.  And God Damn, it feels really, really, good to be back to me.  

So, with that being said, that's what it took for me to start making my changes.  I was ready.  I AM ready. And believe me, I have days when I want to bash my head into the nearest hard object.  There are hours when I just want to cry because I wonder if I'm doing life right.  There are minutes when I get so angry I see red. And there are seconds when my lack of patience, makes me feel like the worst person on the planet.   So, I know it's not easy.  And if I could go back, I'd change that I let my worries and preoccupations get in the way of me evolving...if that's even possible.  I believe that people are born wired a certain way.  I am wired to be an inpatient, positive thinking, profanity using, stubborn, determined, worrying, careful, woman.  That's who I am.  I think you have to figure out who you are and make the most of it.  You have to make the most of YOU.

I cannot stand it when people play the victim.  I cannot stand it when people consistently complain about the same things, but are unwilling to make the changes they need to fix it.  We've all been victims at some point in our lives.  It's how you choose to act that changes everything.  There are things that are going to happen that are out of your control.  You have to decide how you will conquer the battle.

 Attitude is everything.  I had cancer.  Here's what I focused on:  It is small, it is treatable, I'm not dead, I am strong.  I found this quote in 2013:

"THE GREATEST TEST OF COURAGE ON EARTH IS TO BEAR DEFEAT WITHOUT LOSING HEART."

It became my mantra.  I repeated this over and over to myself during my hardest, darkest moments.  And it made me stronger.  Find that strength and shove it down your fucking throat over and over and over again if that's what it takes.  You will never find your happy and you will never progress if you refuse to change.

I realized that there were some aspects of my life that I wasn't entirely thrilled with.  So I changed.

I started running.

I started yoga and pilates.

I started writing again.

I swallowed my pride and started taking Zoloft again.  (And by the way, this felt like such defeat to me.  Making that call to the doctor was one of the hardest things, but there was that quote again, "The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart." So, I sucked it up, and made the call.  I made it for me and for Jim and for our Keats.  It was the right decision and I do not regret it.)  

I started a new venture that made me feel like I was more of a contributor to our family.

I started sharing my thoughts more (which may or may not be a good thing to everyone else, but to me, it's freeing and liberating and has been a positive change).  

I decided I wanted to do all I could to share my positivity and cheer.   

I am making the changes I need to make me feel extraordinary.  They made me feel like a Badass Wife, Mom, Sister, Daughter, and Woman who's doing what's she's got to do to continue my happy.  

So, just start.  Just try.  See what happens.  I guarantee you, it will make you feel strong and bold, and incredible.  And I know it will be ok.  My very best friend in the world, Cricket told me this back in 2013 when I was struggling--She said "Everything will be OK in the end; and if it's not ok, then it's not the end."  So, quit making excuses and just fucking do it.  Just do it, be tough, and Don't give up! Because it will be OK and so will you.