I will be starting my new position as a Medical Office Assistant for the Eckelmann-Taylor Speech & Hearing Clinic at ISU on Wednesday. I am excited and nervous and smiling and filled with optimism about this new career! I'd been at my current job for 9 years this time and 6 years before that. So, all together, I spent 15 years with a company that was just what I needed for about 14 of those years. My co-workers became a 2nd family, and the friendly, and close atmosphere that comes from a small business really shined through. They cared when I went through some of my hardest times, and they rejoiced when I went through my best times. People change. I changed. Naturally, things will change.
Though it is not always easy,sometimes moving on from something that doesn't feel healthy and bring you joy anymore is imperative to your emotional happiness. I will be starting a new job in a new field in a couple of days and I can say with confidence and excitement that I know this was the right decision not only for me, but for my boys too.
My mental health is fragile. It's fragile in a way that I shut down and lose parts of myself when things are off. Happy is my main emotion. Positivity is my super power. So, when I don't feel happy and when negativity works it's way in, I get down. Really down. I am an emotional person and empathetic more than I think most people are. Sometimes, empathy is beautiful. Sometimes, it's a curse. So, it was about a year ago when I realized that it was probably time for me to start looking for another career. I realized that my current situation was not how I wanted to situate myself for the rest of my working days. Like a lot of people, change makes me uncomfortable. But, that's how important I knew this was. I NEEDED to change my situation to get back to me. I do not function at maximum levels when my main feelings are stress and sadness and negative vibes. I mean does anyone? I think probably lots of people keep going despite the bad feelings, and maybe some even thrive on it. I am not one of those people. I dealt with it, but I took the steps to change in the way I needed. I am not willing to live my life under par because of a less than ideal job. I didn't like my situation so I changed it. That makes me feel empowered.
My job was not all bad. My reasons for leaving had pretty much everything to do with me. Nothing huge changed at my job, but I did. I realized that I wasn't willing to feel unimportant anymore. I realized that while I knew there were bigger fish to fry and more important things to handle, I wasn't willing to keep feeling like I didn't offer any value, or like my job didn't matter. And while I know that making me feel that way was never anyone's intention, that's just the way I felt. And I understand that it's entirely possible, that I am too sensitive, but I also know that as a sensitive person, it's not fair to me to keep having to feel like that. Because I did. I knew my job well. Better than well. I was a great at it. I also offered a better attitude than probably anyone else there. As my Lovey told me one day after I had vented about being mentally exhausted from feeling like some of the employee's therapist,he said "People come to you for joy. They come to you so you can re-fill their Happy Meter and then they give nothing in return." I think he hit the nail on the head. I became the go-to person for problems, complaints, stress, and employee disagreements and I was JUST the office clerk. I am happy to be there for people who need me. I am more than willing to be there for my friends and family that need me. I am good at listening and I have a natural ability to try and find the light in a dark situation. But, when you only offer me dark, my light dims. My office was right by the time clock. I gave a smile and hello to every person that looked my way when coming in. Some couldn't give me the courtesy of a smile and hello back. Some tried, but looked like it hurt them to smile. Some grumbled something back without even looking in. These things took their toll on me. It's not their problem; it's mine. I decided I didn't want to be around that anymore.
And not everyone was like that. I made wonderful friends there! There are fantastic people working there! I shared an office with the owner and we laughed every day and shared our family stories and talked about our weekends and those parts were the parts about my job that I loved. These lasting friendships.
There were some policy changes that affected me and personally hurt me that maybe shouldn't have, but they did. There were some conflicts that left me angry and feeling like the people that I needed didn't have my back. And most of all, there was this nagging feeling inside me that kept telling me that I needed to get back to helping people. Having face to face daily interaction with people and feeling like I was doing something good. Something that mattered.
I am so excited to be joining the team at the Eckelmann-Taylor Speech & Hearing Clinic. I hope I love my new job. I hope I'm good at it. And I hope it makes me happy in a way all people deserve to be happy at their place of work.
Cheers to changing. Cheers to using your super powers for good. And Cheers to owning your choices and making your life what you want it to be.
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